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Home > News > Company news > On Mother’s Day, stepmoms navi.....


On Mother’s Day, stepmoms navigate tricky emotional territory

  • Source:http://www.theglobeandmail.com
  • Release on :2017-05-06
Mother’s Day is approaching, and with it my usual sense of unease.

As a mother, I want to love this occasion (don’t worry, it's not till the 14th, you’ve still got time) of badly drawn cards and three-course brunch specials. But as a stepmother I just can’t commit.

I’m not saying this with any bitterness, you understand. I’m just stating an unvarnished fact: Stepmothers miss out on Mother’s Day, and it’s not entirely fair because we do an awful lot of mothering in the form of school pick-ups, play date facilitation and the production of endless pots of spaghetti Bolognese.

And yet I will be the first to admit it: Stepmothers are not mothers. There is a crucial difference, and it has nothing to do with biology – as my adoptive mother friends can attest.

I can say this about stepmothers because I am one (to Freddy, 8) and I have one (her name is Mary Jane and she’s the best). I love my stepmother but I have never, not for a moment, mistaken her for my mother – nor do I think she’d want me to. I think (hope?) my stepson feels the same way about me. As a stepmom, you may do all the motherly stuff, but it doesn’t make you The One.

There is a reason entire religions have been founded on the worship of the Mother. It is an almost mythical role – one that cannot be filled or encroached upon by the woman your divorced dad met on eHarmony and decided to marry.

We stepmothers, on the other hand, have a mythical status of our own – and it’s neither flattering nor fair. We are the interlopers, the homewreckers, the lady monsters in yoga pants who stake our territory through merciless redecorating. To love us seems a betrayal of The One.